Ten Days Before Surgery

Levi's preschool class made this sweet sign for him

Treading time. That's what comes to mind as I sit here in my house with Levi this morning.  It's like treading water. Just trying to stay afloat during this time before surgery. We're basically home. In the house, in the backyard, or maybe out front playing, but we can't venture out to the usual places...preschool, speech class, the grocery store, church, playing with friends.

Wake up, wash your hands, eat, wash your hands, play with brothers, wash your hands, and wash them again. Noah sneezed a couple times yesterday. Stay 10 feet away from your brother and wash your hands...again...and again. Noah, maybe read a book in your room?

I heard Levi cough a few times through the baby monitor early this morning. My stomach dropped. He seems fine now though. Last night I felt a heavy tingle in my chest, felt like I was getting sick. Panic set in. I can't be sick for this either. But I feel okay this morning.

I know this all sounds like I'm totally crazy. Overly paranoid. At least I recognize that, right? I wish I wasn't feeling this way. But it's me right now and it makes me want to cry. I want this surgery over so badly. I don't want to live with this always in the background. If Levi gets sick and we have to reschedule for a couple months down the road, I don't know what I'd do. When would I start trying to keep him healthy again? Traveling out of state makes it that much harder. So much planning and coordinating goes into a trip like this.

It's starting to warm up a little outside, the days are getting longer, people are coming out of hibernation. I just want to sit on our front porch in the rocking chair, while Levi and the boys run and bike around with the neighborhood kids. But instead, I have to tell the little kids who want to play, that they can't play with Levi right now. Just in case. And that doesn't make sense to them, or Levi.  So we come back inside.  

I feel like that overprotective parent.  It's really hard and I question if it's the right thing. But I have to err on the side of caution. Right? I remind myself that Levi's two doctors also recommend keeping Levi away from others and places where he might pick something up. But it's really hard.

Our departure date is only one week from today. Our trip to California doesn't sound too far away, but it feels like a million miles today. I wish we could fast forward and leave now.

We might end up driving to CA. Not what we planned, but plans change. So I'm trying to roll with that too. We also won't know about where we're staying till right before we get there. We're really, really hoping we'll be able to stay in the Ronald McDonald House right by the hospital, but won't know until the day before. It really is an amazing home-away-from-home for families whose kids are in the hospital.

I could use prayers for peace, patience, and health today, and this week. This is hard and I know it's only going to get much harder in the days and weeks to come.